Wednesday, May 23, 2012


So I am going to make a concerted effort to turn a little more inward.  Things have been hectic (I know, I know, what else is new with you?).  Hopefully more blogging will be a byproduct.

The Sunday before last I started thinking about the week I had ahead and realized that I did not have a single free second.  So what did I do?  I canceled every plan I had made so that I could take care of myself.

By noon the next day I had filled all of my new found free time with even more plans.

I feel torn between wanting to get out, socialize, and have fun and wanting to sleep, clean, and make my environment pleasant.

The past couple of weeks have been somewhat emotionally tumultuous -- as was evidenced by my all out sob fest in the middle of the San Diego airport Monday morning.  AGH.  Public displays of emotional instability.  Always fun!  (God Bless my mother who was on the phone for most of it).

Nothing in particular is wrong.  It all goes back to my impatience.  Goal setting and then wanting to fast forward to the goal obtaining.  The particular problem with my latest goals is that I can't quite figure out the path to get me to them.  So it's frustrating.

I think my newest goal should be "cut it out with your stupid goals".  I'm tired of always striving - never being satisfied.  I need to sit back and enjoy instead of constantly working for something other than what I've got going on right now.  Life changes and evolves naturally without me constantly poking and prodding at it (seemingly in vain). 

Now that's not to say there aren't some things that I could... or rather should... be working toward changing.  Namely, the state of affairs in my pocketbook and car disrepair.  Maybe with increased inner calm those won't seem as daunting?  Who knows.

One thing I've noticed in these past few weeks where I've been fairly restless, there have been certain things, namely photography, photo editing, and choir practice, that have centered me and brought me joy.  It's been nice reminding myself of an outlet worthy of my energy that rewards my efforts.

This ramble was not suppose to be this long.  All I had meant to write was "Hey... gonna try and be better about this writing thing -- it's sort of important to me.  In the meantime, enjoy the Dr. Dog song I've been listening to all day".

So yeah... Gonna be better about writing.  And enjoy Dr. Dog.

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